Top 10 Rejection LinesTop 10 Rejection Lines Given By Women (and what they actually mean...)

10. I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in "Deliverance.")
9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (I don't want to do my dad)
8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes upon.)
7. My life is too complicated right now. (I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.)
6. I've got a boyfriend (I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's).
5. I don't date men where I work. (I wouldn't date you if you were in the same 'solar system', much less the same building.)
4. It's not you, it's me. (It's you.)
3. I'm concentrating on my career. (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)
2. I'm celibate. (I've sworn off only the men like you.)and the number 1 rejection line given by women (and what it really means)
1. Let's be friends. (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with. It's that male perspective thing.)

When MY name isnt calling isnt SWEARING

JOKES FOR THE DAY..ENJOY(^-^)v

5 ways to turn her ON, WILD and into a HOTTIE

Few tips every women needs from her man.

I am kinda wondering why some men are so dungu one. Maybe this may help to improve the relationships by bringing all the below to your attention.

1. A woman needs to feel appreciated. Now you might be surprised that I don't start with her need for love. Most men will say, "I love you." But they just might not appreciate their woman in the way she wants to be appreciated. This is very very common...ladies ......am sure you agree with me too.
2. A woman needs to share a deep emotional bond with her man. Now what do I mean by that? Women love it when they see that their man is in touch with his feelings. By that they enjoy knowing that you have feelings and that you are not ashamed to share them.
Many men have a hard time "opening up" to women. Maybe they don't like to talk much. Or they just don't like "touchy, feely" sorts of topics. When asked how they feel, they simply go into the "no comment" mode. Boring.......errr.....

3. A woman wants you to feel that she is feminine and sexy. This is so logical, but it is surprising how many men have a tough time communicating their feelings about how they view their woman. Do you find her attractive and feminine? Do you find her sexy? Then tell her. Don't be coward.
4. A man who knows how to be romantic. What does it mean to be romantic? Look at your dictionary.

5. A woman needs a man who won't take her grief. She wants to see if a man is "man enough" to tame her. Man this is your climax...all the best. (^-^)v

Ah Lians Lian, Ah Bengs Beng, Lala's and aLtErNaTiNg cApItAlS

Story 1 Ah Lian ask shopkeeper: Eh Ah Chek, u got sell stocking up to knee, boh? Ah Chek : Lu siao ah! stocking wear up to 'yeo' (waist) only, where got up to the 'nee' (breast) one.

Story 2 Ah Beng bought a Honda VTI recently and drove to Ah Lian's place to show it to her. So there Ah Beng was bragging the various functions of his new car to his girlfriend. "This is ah, so fast even the Mata Chia cannot catch ah!" "Ha! Really ah!!! Steady lah!" said Ah Lian. "Some more hor, this is Automatic one, vely easy to drive!" So Ah Lian said, "Let me try! I wan, I wan!" So Ah Lian took the driver's seat and shifted the gear and floored the & accelerator. The next moment, the car sped backwards and crashed into the lamp-post. "Alamak! What u doing? U Siao Char Bo! U see lah! Wah Piang eh!" screamed Ah Beng. "Solee, solee, pai sei lah! No lah, I tot hor, "R" for racing mah!"

Story 3 The Titanic was sinking, and there weren't enough lifeboats. So the captain had to persuade male passengers to jump into the icy waters to make room for women and children. To the British he said. "You must act like gentlemen." They jumped. To the Americans he said, "You can be heroes." They complied. To the Germans he said, "It's the rule." They obeyed. To the Japanese he said," It's the consensus." They obliged. Then came the Singaporean and they just weren't budging until he came up with the appeal: "Free life jackets for those who jumped."

Story 4 3 recruits - Chinese, Malay & Indian are at the army supply base to collect underwear. The sergeant was there to aid the supplies. Sergeant: Hei Ah Beng! How many underwear you need ah? Ah Beng: (thinks a while) 7 sasen(sergeant)! Sergeant: (puzzled) How come so many? Ah! Beng: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat & Sun. One day one. Sergeant: (Malay recruit) Eh Mat! How many underwear? Mat: (without hesitation) 6 sargen! Sergeant: (curious) How come six? Mat: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Sat & Sun. Friday I wear sarong. Sergeant: (Indian recruit) Dei Tambi. How many underwears dah dei? Tambi: (very confidently) 12 Sarjen !!!! Sergeant: (shocked & fell to the ground) Why you need so many for? Tambi: January, February, March.....One month one.

Story 5 Once upon a time, a group of Ah Bengs stepped into a lounge and wanted the DJ to play the song "Ah Cheng Buey Ro Ti" (In Hokkien means Ah Cheng buys bread). The DJ told them that they only have English songs and told them to re-select another song. The Ah Bengs were very angry and kicked up a bigfuss, claiming the DJ was insulting them. The manager had to intervene in order to calm them down. Finally, after long talk with Ah Bengs, the manager found out that Ah Bengs actually asking for the song "Unchained Melody" by the Righteous Brothers.

Story 6 One day, two Ah Lians got into a lift from the 20th storey and want to get down to the ground floor. As they looked at the dial, they could see the number 20 down to number 2. It was then followed by a G. As they not English-educated, they were puzzled and had no idea what does the letter G mean. Suddenly one of them exclaimed excitedly and hit G. When they finally reached the ground floor, the other Ah Lian was so impressed and asked the first Ah Lian, "Wah low!!!, how you know one?" The first Ah Lian reply smugly, "Easy lah.. G for Gero mah..."

Story 7 Santa Singh (remember him?) just graduated from Law school and decided to apply for a job in the most prestigious "Lee & Lee Law Firm" During the interview, Mr. Lee KY looked at Santa Singh's resume, thinks for a while and said, "Well, I would need to discuss your application with my wife." And went off to discuss Santa's application with his wife. Lee KY's wife said, "C'mon, don't you know that we only hire lawyers with surnames beginning with 'Lee' only? Of course, we can't hire Santa Singh!" So Lee KY told the bad news to Santa Singh about his rejection. Few days later, Santa Singh came back to the same company and request for another interview and Lee KY said, 'Look Santa, I have already told you that we only hire.......' when Santa Singh interrupted him and said, 'I know, I know. I have just changed my name. Lee K Y looked at Santa Singh in surprise and asked, "What is your new name then?" On this, Santa Singh replied, 'Surname Lee, Last name, Manga!' (Manga-Lee)

5 minutes Management course

Lesson 1: A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.' After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?' 'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies. 'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes m! e?'

Global Financial markets roars

The Financial Market is becoming very unstable due to the collapse of Lehman Brothers Holdgings Inc, one of the largest financial institution globally. Top ten banks have set aside their emergency funds due to unforseen circumstances. Global financial markets were shaken to their core on Monday after Lehman Brothers filed for bankruptcy protection and Merrill Lynch agreed to be taken over as a deepening crisis took new, bigger victims. The US Federal Reserve also said for the first time it will accept stocks in exchange for cash loans and 10 of the world’s top banks agreed to establish a US$70bil emergency fund, with any one of them able to tap up to a third of that. Asian and European stock markets tumbled as the worries about Lehman counterparty risk and further financial market turmoil sent investors scurrying for safe havens such as gold. What causes such collapse?? Many people ponder this questions among themselves. Is this the beginning of Financial Crisis?? This is due to the short fall of their mortage markets and they were unable to find buyers after many lose their confidence after they have been filed into liquidation. The Company namely the late Lahmen Brothers accused them for spreading rumours to drive down the stock prices. Rumours may sometimes be true. Lehman Brothers had previosly reported a lot of quater losses in a year and bad news about its expected losses and some write downs in value worth millions US dollars. Rumours also hence say maybe the next victim is Bear Stearns due to their similarities. Both had relatively small balance sheets, they were heavily dependent on the mortgage market, and they relied heavily on the “repo” or repurchase market, most often used as a short-term financing tool. People , short term financing for big firms in order to boost the firm's capital is not a wise decision. I would rather use long term solutions in both debt and equity.

I marry a ProFesSIOnal Woman as my "WIFE".

I have a professional woman as my wife; a CPA. She uses LIFO method while taking out the refrigerated food.She thinks I am no good with numbers. Fine with me,for now she handles the budget of the house. Initially she used to send me a bill at the month end, but whenI told her that I am not her client but her husband,she asks for the money in advance. The expenses had been rising steadily over the months, so one day Isnooped into the papers maintained in a current file.No wonder! She was charging mileage and overtime tothe house budget.She is crazy, I tell her but she corrects me. Nohoney, I am the auditor. I fail to see the light.

Every scrap of the paper in our house is filed. She tells me as per some Ordinance she must keep a copy ofevery thing for at least ten years before destroy ingit. I am worried.

The other day we had an hour-long fight. Later, I gotto know that she had charged that hour to a client ofhers, in the time sheet. My time was put down as unoccupied.She says that she loves me and I tell her that I love her too. However, she never believes me. She says that there is susceptibility of it being a misstatement.Duh! She wants my representation on this!Last year our house accounts got a qualified opinion I had not kept the supporting etc. of my purchases. Not a long time back my brother's wedding was to be solemnized. Wedding cards had been sent.

After some time I started receiving a steady trickle of letters. I was puzzled until my wife explained thatexternal evidence was more reliable. She had called for confirmations from all those to whom cards were sent.When she cooks: my wife at times does not go by recipe. Where the recipe says add half-teaspoon vinegar,one tsp black salt or one teacup of water, she ignores them. She says that they are not material when taken in context of whole meal being prepared.She is crazy, I tell you. Surprisingly everybody calls her an auditor, instead. I checked the dictionary and it did not state that auditor is a synonym for crazy.The dictionary must be outdated.

When we got married, she had given me an Engagement Letter and I Had said how cute-how sweet. Now she gives it to me every year saying that her standards state that it must be sent a new if there is any indication that I have misunderstood the objective andscope of engagement. Huh!Apart from sending me the engagement letter once says I can't get rid of her just like that. She says that she has the right of being heard before I appoint some one else.Phew! For a minute, I thought that we had jeopardizedour going concern status. Duh! Dare I say so??I am told by one of my female colleagues who is married to a CPA that the scenario is even worse when the guy is a CPA. Apparently he capitalized the wedding expenses as preliminary expenses and is writing it off every year.Also the time he spent dating his wife before marrying her is still under consideration for valuation...valuation of intangible assets.So guyz/galz please think twice....should u really marry a CPA? and yes please discount it by the appropriate rateto arrive at the present value of the risk of doing so!!!!!!!

Kissing Tips for Guys

Learn how to french kiss a girl...??Here are some tips...

The basics

1. Brush your teeth, get a good bath, nicely groomed and clean and fresh, before meeting the other person. There's nothing worse than kissing the rear end of a garbage truck

2. Get into a comfortable position - you can't kiss if your back feels like it's gonna break. Suggestion - Sit side by side on a comfy sofa.

3. Hold your lover , firmly but gently - don't cause pain. Suggestion would be to hold the shoulders, the neck or gently on the side of the face, one side or both sides.

4. Move your faces closer. Don't bump noses. Suggestion would be the guy angle his face slightly so you don't bump noses.
5. Kiss gently, normal closed lips kissing, and close your eyes. Closing your eyes increases the sensations you feel, and also sets the mood.

6. Continue kissing gently. Get comfortable with simple closed lips, lip-to-lip kissing before going anywhere else.

7. If fine till here, tentatively, slowly and lightly draw your tongue across the other person's lips.

8. Chances are from here, if the other person lightly parts her tongue, slowly explore the other person's tongue in a light licking motion.

9. The tongue has a very sensitive surface, which is why tongue to tongue is the essence of french kissing.

10. After you've tried lightly licking the other person's tongue, you can try sucking on it, wrestling with it ( see if you can hold it to the floor of her mouth ) and other things like that.

11. Explore the other areas of the mouth. Especially the roof of the mouth. Lightly lick, or tickle the area with your tongue.

12. Don't bite. whatever you do, don't bite.

13. Don't swing your tongue round and round like a windmill. Explore lightly, don't drill your way through.

14. Breathe through your nose. Breathe through your nose. I say again, breathe through your nose.

15. Follow so far? You can lightly use your hands too, lightly rubbing the other person. Suggestions, along the waist, along the back, the arms, especially the inside of the arm, the neck, maybe running your fingers through her hair. Again, don't cause pain.

16. Continue kissing.